Category: rambling.

So below is an email I got today from a family member.  I have changed names and places as not to give away any more than necessary.  But holy christ.  :


I am really earning my Grandma Badge this year…
> As most of you know, I came directly from xx to xxx for
> Thanksgiving.
> X’s Father had a triple by-pass last week and were unable to watch
> baby when X returned to work. She could not put this off as
> she would lose soooo many benefits, because she pushed her off time to
> the limit.
> They put baby in the same pre-school care as his sister. He did great,
> but he came down with a nasty cold and has not been feeling well all
> week. I was hoping I could have left xx in time to cover that shift,
> but it was not to be.
> This coupled with the preparation of Thanksgiving dinner at their house,
> (of which her Mother is usually able to help with, but couldn’t this
> year because of the Father’s surgery) and lack of sleep for X, made
> her have a melt down. She went to the doctor and they gave her “happy”
> pills. She is doing much better now.
> X showed me all the recipes and they were easy to follow and tasted
> delicious. XX did the Turkey, and X’s brother and sister-in-law
> made some of the dishes as well. We sat down right on time to a
> delicious dinner and had so much to be Thankful for 🙂
> On Friday, with my urging, they took baby to the doctor as he was now
> running a fever. The results came back this morning that it is
> pneumonia. Since we caught it early, it a mild case and they are
> treating it with only antibiotics.
> The stresses:
> Her Dad’s surgery
> No Mom to baby sit and they have NEVER left him with anyone else
> baby being sick (now pneumonia)
> No sleep
> Having her mother-in-law stay with them (that would be me)
> Thanksgiving dinner for her family (mom, dad, brother and wife and ME of
> course)
> And there are still two more coming up. XX has to travel to Phoenix
> for work in less than two weeks for a couple of days. She has to get
> both kids out the door by 7:00 and to day care. She cannot be late to
> her classroom, so it is weighing on her as well.
> Then her Dad is due for another surgery on his Carotid Artery.
> After that things should be better.
> I will be home on Dec. 1.
> Hope you all had a wonderful Turkey Day.


I would DIE if my mother in law sent out an email like this to everyone.  Hell, I would die if ANYONE sent out an email like this about me. I mean, yes, the person who the email is in reference to is a nut and I have secretly been waiting for her to crack, but  holy hell.  It’s no ones business that it happened.  And seriously, the stuff she has to deal with is nothing.  Sure, I am judging, but I know this person and she is wound tighter that my hubby, and that is saying A LOT.  It was only a matter of time before she lost it.  BUT STILL.  I’m just so saddened by the email and that the person who sent it is so flipping insensitive.  damn relatives.



I have been in such an everliving funk these past few days.  I feel as though I have been a rotten friend, mother and partner.  Blah.  I have no idea what has been bothering me, either.  I just feel so out of sorts.  We have another session tonight with the therapist, and for that I am glad.  It took me forever to find a sitter, though, since I waited until the last minute.  But, I found one.  whew.  I really didn’t want to have to cancel the appointment.  They seem to be helping.  This weekend hubby and I are actually getting away for a night.  BY OURSELVES.  We’re not going far, just up the road to a resort, but it’s just the two of us.  My mil will be watching Bunny, which I am nervous about, but well, I just need to sack up.  I can only pray to the jesus baby that she doesn’t bring any booze over or i WILL loose it.  We will be going to a fancy dinner and spending some time in the luxurious spa.

So I took a break since writing the first part.  yeah, I know, it wasn’t like I had written a whole lot.  Whatever.  I had things to do.  Anyhow, after securing a babysitter, my therapist cancelled.  blah.  Just as well, though, as it’s a crummy day out AND the World Series will be on soon.  But really?  this funk needs to Go. Away.

And for the record, since I am being so blah and all, I really really really really HATE it when people don’t respond to email or text.  sigh.  And I’m talking after a reasonable about of time.  you know, like a few hours for a text and a day for an email.  I hate feeling ignored.  HATE IT.  I totally get that life comes up, but really?  why can’t you respond to me?  If I did something to piss you off, you need to tell me lest my mind goes nuts like it is want to do.  I do not want to become one of those annoying teenaged girls who won’t leave you alone, so please.  just freaking respond.

that is all.


deep breaths.

Yes, it has been forever and a day or maybe even two, since I have written.  So many times I have meant to write, yet the worlds have failed me.  I have so much running around in my head these days and so often that I can’t seem to put them down.  Even right now I have so many thought just crashing into themselves that I have no idea how they will all make it on this page.  I guess the best way to control my mind is to paraphrase somewhat.  So here’s what’s been going on:

Early Prevention means just that.  EARLY.  Four years old is NOT early.  It is lazy parenting to not realize your kid is not where he should be.  Not potty trained?  Doesn’t dress himself?  Will only drink out of a sippy cup?  Seriously?  Sure, I understand helping your kid get dressed or with other things, but doing it FOR him because you think he is taking too long or you are feeling rushed?  Not okay.  And WTF do you do all day besides sit on Facebook?

So, you’re exercising.  Good.  You need to.  But still eating at Barf Bear, er..Black Bea, all the time and loading up on gross, processed foods is not helping.  You NEED to change your diet as well as your exercise habits.  And really.  I bet if you started eating better you would FEEL better.  And not only would you loose weight, but I bet your skin would clear up and your emotions would get in check as well.  And maybe your headaches would also go away.  Or at least happen less frequently.

I’ve recently reunited with a few friends from my past and it’s been so great to be back in touch.  And crazy, too.  I found out a friend I have known since kindergarden is also adopted.  I seriously had NO idea and we were like, super good friends.  It’s wild.  AND I think now we’re BOTH going to look for our bio moms.  Wow.  Nuts.

As much as Hubby and I have our difficulties, we still have a lot of goodness as well.  And I have to say, I will NEVER let him dictate my life like some people I know.  I mean, really.  Not being allowed to do things is just silly.  Not being allowed to have a Facebook account?  Really?  For fear of cheating?  Because of something you read?  geesh.  You don’t have to friend people you don’t know, or even like.  Not everyone is out to get you just because your spouse says so.  And not every single person wants to have an affair.  Just because someone is married doesn’t make them safe, either.

For the love of all things girlie.  Please do something about your nasty ass feet.  Lotion.  Lotion is all you need.  Okay, not ALL, but it’s a start.  Your feet are nastier than an elephant.  And you wear flip flops all the time.  It doesn’t take much to maintain your feet.  Hell, it doesn’t even cost much.  And for all the fashion crap you wear, you would think you would pay attention to your feet.

ah.  Daddy woke up Bunny.  well, that’s all she wrote for now…

random drivel.

I feel like I have been gone for so long.  First things, first, though.  WendyB, I think of you ALL THE TIME.  Every time hubby acts like an ass, I have your voice in my head telling me I don’t deserve to be treated like that.  I do talk back to him, though, so it’s not like he just says things and I take it lying down.  We’ve had some minor breakthroughs as of late, so that’s good.  But good LORD, this road is rough at times.


My ENTIRE family has been sick for the past 5 days and it has been ROUGH.  Bunny and I went on an adventure on Friday and ended up at the local outlet malls.  sooo nice.  We were there for 2 1/2 hours and at the end, I decided to grab a coffee to go and as we were waiting for the coffee to be made….she started throwing up EVERYWHERE.  And she was strapped on my back in an ergo carrier, so yeah.  the vomit went all down my back.  EEWW.  And on the floor.  And all over her.  I was mortified as I had just grabbed my money and put her in the pack, so I had nothing to clean up with!  Thankfully the shopkeeper was super nice and helped me clean.  Then gave me a discount on my coffee drink.  But poor Bunny!  She threw up again as we got to the car.  I changed her clothes, and she threw up again.  I left her in a t-shirt and diaper for the drive home, and she threw up several more times before we finally got home.  It was SO sad.  She’s never thrown up before, so this was an extra big deal for both of us.  I got her into the bath and changed her, and she threw up some more.  She just laid on me the rest of the day, throwing up every now and then.  Pedialite did no good, but regular juice seemed to help.  Then came on the diarrhea.  Saturday it was light, then Sunday it was still light.  Then Hubby got sick.  GOOD GOD, did he get sick.  I have never seen anyone so sick.  It came out of both ends at the same time.  I felt awful for him.  He was miserable.  He had a fever, body aches and was all around miserable.  Nothing would stay down, or in, as the case may be.  Then there were some accidents.  I have never done so much laundry in such a short time!  Then on Monday, he was still awful and Bunny’s diarrhea got worse.  It got all soupy and way messy.  It would be machine gun rapid fire then her diaper would overflow.  My God.  And she was EXTRA cranky because she wasn’t feeling well.  By Tuesday, Hubby was slowly starting to feel better, but was still extra weak.  Bunny, however was still going strong with her diarrhea.  When I went to get her in the morning, she was COVERED with it.  Thankfully, she was okay with taking a bath because wipes just weren’t going to cut it.  I took her on a long drive so Hubby could have some quiet and Bunny fell asleep for a good hour.  It was nice to be out, but I was sad for my sickies.  And to top it all off, it was EXTRA hot and we don’t have air conditioning at home, so there’s that.  I set up Bunny’s pool so she could get some relief.  I prayed that no diarrhea would happen while she was in it, and for once, luck was on my side.  This morning, everyone seems to be back to normal.  Hubby went to work and Bunny just took a solid poo.  I am hoping the worst is over.  And KNOCK ON WOOD, but I didn’t get sick.  I guess someone was looking out for the mama who had to tend to everyone else!!!


So back to my shopping trip to the outlet mall.  Aahh.  It was so nice.  I went into the Barney’s store and was instantly whisked back to my former life of fashion, delicious clothes and fabulous shoes.  The fabrics felt cool to the touch and so decadent.  I slipped my feet into some darling kate spade kitten heals, but resisted buying them.  There were some Theory pants to die for and a darling little marc jacobs dress.  Ahhh.  Maybe one day again I will rock the fashion like I used to.  I have, though, recently made a few purchases at Banana and boy, does that make things  A LOT better.  It’s amazing how a little bit of personal care goes so far.  I had let myself get into the frumpy mom place and I hated it.  About a month ago, I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends and they all comment on how good I looked.  Had I gotten my hair done?  Gotten new clothes?  Gotten new make up?  Nope.  I had just taken the time to clean up.  And really, it didn’t take all that long AT ALL.  Hell, all I really had to do was blow dry my hair instead of letting it air dry, swipe on some mascara and put on a sassy top that actually showed I had boobs, not just milk jugs.  And I did feel Hott.  So, ever since then, I have tried to make more of an effort.  Because, damn it, I’M WORTH IT.

So in less than 2 months, Bunny will be 2.  Holy crap.  How in the world did THAT happen?  And when?!  She has gotten so big!  And is so freaking awesome.  I truly love her more and more each and every day.  It’s just surreal.  Sure, there are rough days.  Days I want to lock her in her room so she stops whining.  Okay, that part isn’t true.  She doesn’t really whine very much and I never lock her in her room.  For long.  ha.  Anyhow, she is just amazing.  But now I want to plan a little party for her and I’m sort of at a loss of what to do.  Last year we did a little garden party in our yard and I am thinking of doing the same this year.  But, now I think I need some sort of theme.  She’s into all kinds of things, but nothing is her favorite.  And the kicker of it all?  I want to have her party on the Saturday before her Tuesday birthday.  But that Saturday, I just found out, is the opening of Deer Season, so hubby wants to hunt.  Um, really?  Yeah.  He can hunt.  And I will still have the party.  He wanted me to change the date of the party.  Seriously?  Just so he can hunt.  Um no.  It’s his daughter’s birthday.  Jackass.  I told him he doesn’t have to do a thing but show up.  you know, like last year.  He’s all cranky about it.  But whatever.  I’m not changing the date because he wants to hunt.

nothing to see here.

It’s been a little bit since I posted, so here are some updates:

Bunny is in full on toddler mode and is  The fits are what really have me over the edge.  But, I know it’s what she’s supposed to be doing for her age, but still.  Good  LORD.  I think yesterday was by far the worst day yet.  It’s just the temper tantrums.  And the whining. And the constant indecisiveness.  UGH.

Went to a spa night last night hosted by the mother’s club that I am a member of.  It was at a local posh hotel and we got to lounge around the hot tubs and be loverly ladies and not mommies.  I, of course, had to say some highly inappropriate things that made for awkward silences and crickets chirping.  Which, in hindsight, really makes me realize what a FOOL I was when I was out drinking as I would never have stopped with the lame remarks.  Thankfully, I only made a slight fool out of myself twice last night.  But it was a bit eye opening and it also made me realize that I REALLY need some time out away from hubby and bunny more often.  With actual adults in actual adult settings.  Thank god I at least have my book club once a month.  But clearly, that is not enough.

Went home last weekend and it was a great, albeit short, visit.  This time I didn’t make any plans and just let things fall into place.  Normally I plan to see a ton of people and feel wiped out by the end.  This time it was more mellow and relaxing.  And the best part of my whole weekend was a trip to Nordstroms for a bra fitting.  Oh yes.  It was such a joy.  Friends have told me how great it is to finally have a bra that fits you properly and well, they were RIGHT.  It is amazing.  And I was TOTALLY wearing the wrong size.  Yeah, I was wearing a 32B when I should have been wearing a 30DD!  WTF?!  Or I can wear a 32D.  Wow.  I mean, I knew I was big but holy cow, batman.  I was totally checking out the other gals at the spa night last night to see how I sized up, and yep.  I was SO MUCH larger than the rest of ’em.  But man.  Does a well fitting bra make ALL the difference in the world!

I still maintain that I have the bestest most awesomest friends on the planet.  And I love that I have friends everywhere.  Yes, sometimes it’s sad that I don’t have a lot of friends where I live, then I realized, who am I kidding?!  I have tons of friends here.  I just need to get out of my head sometimes and realize that.  Being in my head for too long is a bad place to be.  Thankfully, I don’t get stuck there that often anymore.

I have a stalker of sorts on FB and it is driving me INSANE.  INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!  INSANE IN THE BRAIN!  uh..sorry.  But seriously.  I have a friend who finds the need to post on EVERY SINGLE STATUS or pretty much every photo or at least like every comment or link that I post.  And they aren’t always nice comments, either.  It’s is tres annoying, to say the least.

up way too early.

whew.  Waking up…er..being woken up before 6 on a Sunday is sacrilege.  At least my waker-upper was super cute.  But geesh!  It was early!  And it was extra early because I stayed up late reading and Bunny woke up somewhere in the middle of the night so I brought her to bed with me and then had a hard time falling back asleep.  But, like I said, at least she’s super cute!  But, now that I’m up…thank God for coffee.  And for once I’m glad that hubby is off hunting so the house is quiet and the coffee was already made.  But me no less, but that’s besides the point.  It is pretty being up this early.

Okay, so here’s a funny story:

The other day one of my kitties brought a lizard into the house.  He was playing with it in the kitchen when Bunny and I wandered in.  Bunny wanted to get a closer look, so she bent down and picked him up.  He had been hanging out in the garage, so he was nice and calm.  Plus, being tormented by my cat must have made him extra mellow because he didn’t squirm too much when she grabbed a hold of him.  Then I picked up him up to take a look.  He let me take a few pictures of him, especially of his pretty shimmery blue belly.  At the time, I was standing.  Then I sat cross-legged on the floor.  That was my mistake.  I have no idea what happened next, but the next thing I knew, THE LIZARD HAD RUN UP MY SHORTS AND WAS CLINGING TO MY INNER THIGH.  Oh holy hell!  I started screaming.  Bunny started screaming.  Sawyer looked bewildered.  I had no other choice but to take off my shorts and throw them, with the lizard thank God, on the kitchen floor.  Utter chaos, let me just tell you.  I finally gathered myself, grabbed the lizard, who by this time was just calmly sitting on the floor like nothing had happened, and took him outside and placed him in the sun.  Ah, country life!

And here’s another cute story:  Last night I didn’t feel like cooking so I decided that jamba juice would be just right for dinner.  So off I went.  A large one for hubby, a regular one for me and a mini for Bunny.  When I got home, hubby and Bunny were cuddled up on the couch watching Finding Nemo.  It was pretty darn cute.  He had wanted to share a favorite movie of his with her.  It was pretty sweet.  Then with the two of them sipping their smoothies, it was even sweeter.

Okay, off for more coffee.

have an attitude of gratitude.

Because I have been really sort of cranky lately, I decided to start the day with a gratitude list.  Here is what I am grateful for today:

Bunny, which of course, goes without saying.

The sun that has finally returned.  It is supposed to be 10-15 degrees warmer than it has been.  Aahh.  I need that.

A long walk that I will go on in a little bit.  I dearly need to be outdoors.

The fresh coffee that was brewing before I got out of bed this morning.  The aroma alone makes me smile.

The wonderful group of gals that make up my book club.

My upcoming trip to LA.

The bock bocks in the yard.  I love that if anyone says the word ‘chickens’ Bunny shouts “bock bocks!!”  and goes looking for them.

The completely unexpected card that Hubby left on my pillow last night.  I have been having a tough time with him lately and the card came at the perfect time and had the perfect sentiments written inside.

Getting back in touch with several old friends on Facebook.  Two of which used to be my neighbors growing up.  So glad to be back in touch with them!

Having a solid group of friends that I can go to with my problems, joys and triumphs.

Discovering the sprout channel.  Yes, I am grateful for a tv channel.  It’s so nice to have something to distract Bunny with that is somewhat educational.  heh.  Though I refuse to let her watch Calliou because he is such a little bitch.  Also, Barney.  There will be none of that in my  house.

What are YOU grateful for today?

a few things that i love.

*  Bunny’s new-found habit of grabbing my hand to lead me around the house.

*  The return of the Tuesday evening farmers market in town.

*  Random wildflowers that bloom on the roadside and in my yard.

*  Fresh baked goodies right out of the oven.

*  Friends who come over and do the dishes after I have prepared a large meal.

*  The return of spring after a long, rainy winter.


*  A fresh cup of coffee.

*  Taking a snooze outside under a tree with a soft breeze blowing.

*  When my kitties cuddle with me.

*  An unexpected package in the mail.

*  A handwritten note from a friend.

*  New linens.

*  Fresh flowers in my house.

overwhelmed and under paid.

Today has been a little bit of this and too much of that.  Bunny is in full on toddler mode which has been quite a lot for me these days.  And we’re potty training, which is a challenge in and of itself.  Today she peed on the bathroom floor, one of the cat’s hung his ass over the side of the litter box and shat on the floor, the other cat threw up twice on the living room carpet and well, the day is still not over.  Other random things happened but for the life of me, I cannot remember what they are.  I did cry for a while and that is new since I normally keep it together pretty well.  Oh, and I also sort of started my period again.  Yeah, TMI, but deal with it.  I haven’t had a period since October of 2008 and since I just stopped breastfeeding about 3 weeks ago, I’m up and running again.  sort of.  I have an IUD, so I only spot and don’t have the full on ass whooping deal that I used to.  Thank the jesus baby for that.  Anywho, I’m sure that had plenty to do with my emotional state as of late. aren’t you glad you asked?  oh wait.  you didn’t. carry on.

This weekend was a doozy as well with ups and downs.  But, hubby pulled a fast one and was amazing.  After an especially stressful day on Saturday, he handed me a bunch of cash and told me to go shopping.  WHEE!  I have not had new clothes since BEFORE I was pregnant.  So to say it was very much needed is the understatement of the year.  I had a thrilling time yesterday shopping until I couldn’t shop anymore.  Okay, that’s not entirely true.  Hubby did call since there was a MAJOR poop explosion, but I did get a good 4 hours by myself.  But when I got home hubby was fit to be tied as he doesn’t deal well with poop.  Apparently Bunny had shat her pull ups and he somehow managed to get it all over her and in her hair and she walked in it and it was on the carpet and so on and so forth and he freaked the fuck out and well, I laughed my ass off helped out as much as I could when I got home.  Still, we I managed to get it all cleaned up because for some reason that only God knows, he left the mess for me to clean up!  Yes, friends, he closed the door to her room with the shat all over for me to deal with.  Um…wot?!  At least he cleaned her up and threw her in the tub. So perhaps I will call this round of potty training PoopGate ’10.

Needless to say, I’ve been hitting the Diet Coke pretty hard today.  Hell, I don’t even know what number can I’m up to.  I’ve also had coffee.  Yeah, I should be sleeping mighty well tonight.  And I’m really craving a cheeseburger.  And not a McDonald’s burger, either.  No, a good old-fashioned restaurant burger.  mmmm.  But that will have to wait as I have no way of getting one now.

But now that things are quiet, Bunny is asleep, the kitties are curled up next to me life is good.  I just hope tomorrow won’t be as rough as the past few days have been.  Because sweet jesus.  I just don’t know how much more I can take.

a few things i have learned.

As I am quickly approaching 35 later this summer, it has dawned on me that I am actually a bona-fide grown up.  Now when that happened, I really have no idea. I mean, the last time I checked, I was 27. And before that, I was 23.   Anyhow,  here are a few things that I have learned in my years.

*  you really can’t go cheap on most things.

I have tested this theory over and over and have yet to find a generic product that works as well as the name brand or better made product.  Here are some random things I have tested and have determined I would always spend the extra money on the normal product vs the equivalent discount type.

Kraft mac n cheese vs. store brand. I mean, there is absolutely NO comparison.  End Of Story.

Tweezerman tweezers vs. store brand.  I couldn’t find my Tweezerman tweezers the other day and resorted to using some off brand.  It was misery!  I maybe got one hair pulled.  Sheer frustration.

Diet Coke vs. store brand.  Again, no comparison.

Cheap ass candles vs. Soy candles.  They just burn cleaner and smell better than the mass-produced junk like Yankee Candles.  Blech.

generic brand skin care vs.  A more spendy brand that actually works.

generic shampoo and conditioner vs. Bumble & Bumble or Aveda.

Now, I’m not saying I want to spend oodles of money for the basic necessities, and I sure love me some Target shopping, but honestly, you get what you pay for.  If I want a pair of shoes that will last me a season, I’ll go to Payless.  If I want them to last me a long ass time, I get the brands I love and the prices I don’t want to pay, but will.  Same goes for clothes.  Sure, Target did me real well when I was pregnant.  And they are great for a t-shirt or swimsuit here and there, but I can’t maintain my wardrobe there.  Things just fall apart too easily and it’s all too basic.

* it really does make a difference how you look.

I used to be very childish in my dress.  I wore jeans and Disney clothes for the longest time.  White Keds were my shoe of choice and I wore a ponytail more times than I can count.  It took me years to realize why people treated me so much younger than I was and I just never got the respect I deserved.  It took me many years to realize  just how important impressions are.  Especially in the working world and especially when you look as young as I do.  Having a few key pieces in your wardrobe will go far and they need not be expensive, either.  Here are a few of my staples:

Jeans that fit really well. And I don’t mean tight with camel toe, either.  You shouldn’t have to lie down to put them on.  And they should NEVER be mom jeans, no matter how old you are.

A nice suit.  Simple trousers and a jacket will suffice.  Sure, now that I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t often have the need to wear a full suit anymore, but it sure is nice to have one on hand for when I need it. And the trousers and jacket and be mixed and matched with other items as well.

Mid length shorts.  Gone are the days of daisy dukes, though I know I can still get away with wearing them, especially since I still consider myself a Dallas Fort Worth.  heh.  I just don’t feel comfortable letting it all hang out anymore.  Shorts that hit mid thigh are perfect for me now.

A few knee-length flowy skirts for warmer days.  They can be dressed up or down depending on what I’ve got going on.

Cardigans in basic colors like black, brown and navy.  They are so much nicer than sweatshirts.

Khaki pants.  They are so nice and light when I don’t feel like wearing jeans. I like the ones that hit right at my ankle so I can wear flip-flops in the summer.

Nicely fitting t-shirts.  My faves right now are the basic ones by Hanes that you can get at Target.  They come in pink, white, grey and black.  I rarely wear shirts with slogans anymore, unless it’s race shirt and I am training.

Flowy tops rather than longer t-shirts. I like blouses that are slightly fitted with a flutter sleeve as they tend to look more polished.

These are just a few things that I make sure I have on hand as they can get me through pretty much any situation.

*  skin care is actually as important as they say.

I have recently spent some time looking at myself in the mirror.  Really studying myself.  When all of those laugh lines, sun spots and wrinkles appeared, I have no idea, but I don’t want any more of them,that’s for damn sure!  I have been experimenting with finding the right products that work for me.  I started with Philosophy, and I loved their Purity face wash, but wasn’t soo keen on the rest of their product line.  Then I tried Khiels and they were not right for me, either.  I even tried La Mer, but I just could not justify the price.  I tried Avon, but it was too oily for me.  Then I found Arbonne and I love it.  I’ve used it for almost a month now and I totally see the difference in my skin.  The best part is the products are vegan and good not only for me, but for the environment as well.

*  Eating better really IS good for you and really DOES make you feel better.

Since Bunny was born, I’ve been eating better.  I don’t know if it was a conscious decision to do so or not, but it sure does make a huge difference in how I feel.  I now buy products that are organic, full of whole grain goodness, and range free.  Okay, so I still love me some Mc Donalds and I adore diet coke and let’s not forget the deliciousness of jamba juice, but I realized if I do it all in moderation, I’ll be just fine.  Sure, it’s a little more expensive, but it’s SO worth it.  Thankfully, I live in an area where fresh produce and free range meat is readily available.  And we have a rather large garden and my husband hunts, so we don’t have to spent much more on the good stuff.

Everyone parents differently. And that doesn’t make anyone wrong, unless they think different from me.  heh.  kidding.  sort of.

Parenthood has definitely been a journey for me, but I wouldn’t change any of it for a moment.  I was one who never thought she’d have children.  Then, a few years ago I got the urge and we found ourselves pregnant.  I was so worried about being a parent because I literally had NO CLUE what to do.  I didn’t have a strong connection with any adult woman, so I had nowhere to turn for advise.  I threw myself into reading anything I could get my hands on, taking what I wanted and leaving the rest.  My pregnancy was rough an uncomfortable, the birth was scary and full of emergency, but even that, I wouldn’t change.  Bunny was born and the maternal gene that so many had told me about had actually kicked in and I have never once looked back.  Sure, there have been struggles, but I am so proud to say I have done it all on my own.  I have had very little help and while there are days that I want to tear my hair out, I always know that tomorrow is another day and I have another chance to start over.  To me, it was a great blessing that I had no clue about motherhood and that I had no preconceived ideas about what I would or would not do.  Things have just fallen into place for me.  But, this has made me realize that motherhood is very hard for a lot of women.  And sadly, for a lot of  my friends.  I think quite a few of my friends had rose colored glasses on and have been so shocked when they fell off to reveal just what the world had in store.  People really do change the most when they have children.  I know I sure have.  But I am so very grateful that I take life as it comes and know that l am doing the best job I possibly can.

*  I am so, so glad that I had a crazy life before I had Bunny.

Because of this, I don’t have any regrets.  Sure, I have many days/weeks where I don’t remember what happened, or have but a mere foggy recollection of things, but I would much prefer to have things happen that way than to be some crazed 40ish housewife and have a major break down because I just don’t know who I am or who I am supposed to be.  Now, I’m not saying all my fun days are over, just that I no longer feel the need to prove myself or test out the waters and see what asinine stunts I can pull.  Because believe me.  I’ve pulled a ton in my day.  heh.