Archive for June, 2010

random drivel.

I feel like I have been gone for so long.  First things, first, though.  WendyB, I think of you ALL THE TIME.  Every time hubby acts like an ass, I have your voice in my head telling me I don’t deserve to be treated like that.  I do talk back to him, though, so it’s not like he just says things and I take it lying down.  We’ve had some minor breakthroughs as of late, so that’s good.  But good LORD, this road is rough at times.


My ENTIRE family has been sick for the past 5 days and it has been ROUGH.  Bunny and I went on an adventure on Friday and ended up at the local outlet malls.  sooo nice.  We were there for 2 1/2 hours and at the end, I decided to grab a coffee to go and as we were waiting for the coffee to be made….she started throwing up EVERYWHERE.  And she was strapped on my back in an ergo carrier, so yeah.  the vomit went all down my back.  EEWW.  And on the floor.  And all over her.  I was mortified as I had just grabbed my money and put her in the pack, so I had nothing to clean up with!  Thankfully the shopkeeper was super nice and helped me clean.  Then gave me a discount on my coffee drink.  But poor Bunny!  She threw up again as we got to the car.  I changed her clothes, and she threw up again.  I left her in a t-shirt and diaper for the drive home, and she threw up several more times before we finally got home.  It was SO sad.  She’s never thrown up before, so this was an extra big deal for both of us.  I got her into the bath and changed her, and she threw up some more.  She just laid on me the rest of the day, throwing up every now and then.  Pedialite did no good, but regular juice seemed to help.  Then came on the diarrhea.  Saturday it was light, then Sunday it was still light.  Then Hubby got sick.  GOOD GOD, did he get sick.  I have never seen anyone so sick.  It came out of both ends at the same time.  I felt awful for him.  He was miserable.  He had a fever, body aches and was all around miserable.  Nothing would stay down, or in, as the case may be.  Then there were some accidents.  I have never done so much laundry in such a short time!  Then on Monday, he was still awful and Bunny’s diarrhea got worse.  It got all soupy and way messy.  It would be machine gun rapid fire then her diaper would overflow.  My God.  And she was EXTRA cranky because she wasn’t feeling well.  By Tuesday, Hubby was slowly starting to feel better, but was still extra weak.  Bunny, however was still going strong with her diarrhea.  When I went to get her in the morning, she was COVERED with it.  Thankfully, she was okay with taking a bath because wipes just weren’t going to cut it.  I took her on a long drive so Hubby could have some quiet and Bunny fell asleep for a good hour.  It was nice to be out, but I was sad for my sickies.  And to top it all off, it was EXTRA hot and we don’t have air conditioning at home, so there’s that.  I set up Bunny’s pool so she could get some relief.  I prayed that no diarrhea would happen while she was in it, and for once, luck was on my side.  This morning, everyone seems to be back to normal.  Hubby went to work and Bunny just took a solid poo.  I am hoping the worst is over.  And KNOCK ON WOOD, but I didn’t get sick.  I guess someone was looking out for the mama who had to tend to everyone else!!!


So back to my shopping trip to the outlet mall.  Aahh.  It was so nice.  I went into the Barney’s store and was instantly whisked back to my former life of fashion, delicious clothes and fabulous shoes.  The fabrics felt cool to the touch and so decadent.  I slipped my feet into some darling kate spade kitten heals, but resisted buying them.  There were some Theory pants to die for and a darling little marc jacobs dress.  Ahhh.  Maybe one day again I will rock the fashion like I used to.  I have, though, recently made a few purchases at Banana and boy, does that make things  A LOT better.  It’s amazing how a little bit of personal care goes so far.  I had let myself get into the frumpy mom place and I hated it.  About a month ago, I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends and they all comment on how good I looked.  Had I gotten my hair done?  Gotten new clothes?  Gotten new make up?  Nope.  I had just taken the time to clean up.  And really, it didn’t take all that long AT ALL.  Hell, all I really had to do was blow dry my hair instead of letting it air dry, swipe on some mascara and put on a sassy top that actually showed I had boobs, not just milk jugs.  And I did feel Hott.  So, ever since then, I have tried to make more of an effort.  Because, damn it, I’M WORTH IT.

So in less than 2 months, Bunny will be 2.  Holy crap.  How in the world did THAT happen?  And when?!  She has gotten so big!  And is so freaking awesome.  I truly love her more and more each and every day.  It’s just surreal.  Sure, there are rough days.  Days I want to lock her in her room so she stops whining.  Okay, that part isn’t true.  She doesn’t really whine very much and I never lock her in her room.  For long.  ha.  Anyhow, she is just amazing.  But now I want to plan a little party for her and I’m sort of at a loss of what to do.  Last year we did a little garden party in our yard and I am thinking of doing the same this year.  But, now I think I need some sort of theme.  She’s into all kinds of things, but nothing is her favorite.  And the kicker of it all?  I want to have her party on the Saturday before her Tuesday birthday.  But that Saturday, I just found out, is the opening of Deer Season, so hubby wants to hunt.  Um, really?  Yeah.  He can hunt.  And I will still have the party.  He wanted me to change the date of the party.  Seriously?  Just so he can hunt.  Um no.  It’s his daughter’s birthday.  Jackass.  I told him he doesn’t have to do a thing but show up.  you know, like last year.  He’s all cranky about it.  But whatever.  I’m not changing the date because he wants to hunt.


on my mind.

I’ve had a lot on my mind these days and while I have had some wonderful friends who have let me vent to them, I have to write it down as well.  Normally, I’m a pretty mellow person.  Sure, I have some upswings of craziness and some downswings of the deep depths of misery, but I’m usually pretty level.  Anyhow, I have recently been shaken to my core.  There is a gal who I have befriended in the program.  She has always been a bit off to me, but I just chalked that up to the adage that some are sicker than others.  Anyhow, a few weeks ago I poured my heart out to her at dinner about my woes with hubby.  We recently had gotten in quite a row and I needed to get some things off my chest.  I had gone to a woman’s meeting and then out to dinner with this gal.  Anyhow, over the course of dinner, she was nothing but negative and started spewing all of this crap to me, including how I should seriously consider divorce.  Now, mind you, I had never mentioned divorce to her.  Also, she is in the process of divorce herself, so of course it is fresh in her mind.  That being said, I do not believe divorce is the go-to for me.  AT.ALL.  Marriage, like any relationship, takes WORK.  Anyhow, I totally disregarded her comments on divorce as that is not an option for me right now.  Anyhow, she went on further saying crap and I left the dinner with a heavy heart about my friendship with her.  Fast forward a few weeks and we went to the meeting then dinner afterward again.  This time two other gals went with us.  It was a nice dinner, save for the fact that the gal called me a snob because I do not like KOA camp grounds.  Whatever.  So be it.  I’m a snob in that regard.  I have been pretty much avoiding her at all costs since.  However, I ended up going to the meeting again this past Tuesday.  Okay, I went on purpose.  I had heard that SHE was going to be the speaker that night.  I had known her for roughly 2 years and had never heard her total story and I was more than intrigued.  GOOD GOD HOLY HELL.  I wanted to flee like a wet rat pretty much as soon as she started speaking.  To say it was horrible was an understatement.  Normally people who share stick to a basic structure : what it was like , what happened, and what it is like now.  Basically, experience, strength and hope.  That being said, she just gave a drunkalog.  That’s it.  It was so bad.  AND.  the worst?  Well during one of our dinners she kept on saying what a great mother she was while she was drinking.  I was baffled at the time, as if you are a drunk, in my eyes at least, there is NO WAY you can be a good mother.  You just can’t.  No matter how much deluding yourself you are doing, you can’t.  Anyhow, she added examples of how she was with her infant daughter when she was drinking.  I wanted to get up and leave.  I was so filled with emotion that she thought/thinks she was great to her daughter.  It freaking killed me.  Most women who share have said they were horrible mothers, that their drinking came first and so on.  This gal said the same, but thinks that behavior is okay.  Her whole share was a mess.  It was more that she had told me how great she was and her share contradicted EVERYTHING.  Like she had totally lied to me.  Or is completly delusional.  It has just bothered me so much.  Also?  I feel so awful for her daughter, stuck in the middle of all of this.  This gal is so selfish and sick.  I am staying as far away as I can.  But I feel so used and abused.  Like, I had poured my heart out to her and now she has all of this information on me.  Sure, she can’t really use any of it, but still.  That’s not the point.  It just makes me feel shitty.

Then, I have been getting some stellar parenting advice as of late.  The latest?  Last night a girlfriend was asking me how potty training was going.  I said it’s slow going and I’m not really pushing the issue.  She asked if Bunny was still going on the floor.  I said every once in a while.  My friend said I need to get a fly swatter and smack Bunny with it whenever she goes on the floor.  You know, as a tough love approach.  WTF?!  I AM NOT SMACKING MY KID WITH A FLY SWATTER.  Yes, I understand it won’t hurt.  But good LORD.  I don’t want to freak her out about potty training, either.  She’s only 21 months.  She WILL get it.  Oh, and the kicker?  My friend’s 2 1/2 year old isn’t potty trained either.  What the hell is wrong with people?!